I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
