dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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