My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize