its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
