a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
