The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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