You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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