nut hugger
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
