His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
