WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
