You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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