My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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