You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
