4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
