I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
