my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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