After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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