do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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