At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
