and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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