i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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