HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
