After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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