you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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