i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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