How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
