the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
