why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
