So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
