Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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