wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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