So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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