just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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