Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
