The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wear drunk well.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
