Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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