I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
