I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
