Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
