when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
