Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't deserve a penis
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
