I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
