so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize