when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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