Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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