no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
