I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
