Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
