Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and she was petting her beer can
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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