is your mom at the bar?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
