i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
