i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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