I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
