I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
