she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
