All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Your penis caused this!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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