Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
