The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
