Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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