Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
