it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
