theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize