So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
