i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
