thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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