Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
