we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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