So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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