Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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