last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
